The
Decent Thing To Do
So
all of a sudden the FCC is
concerned about the decency
of the television we watch
and the radio we listen to?
One little flash of Janet
Jackson’s breast during
the Super Bowl and the entire
population of this great country
freaked out in a manner that
you would expect to be reserved
for matters of consequence
like, I don’t know,
say corporate scandals, “pre-emptive”
wars or a flailing economy.
Besides,
when did the Super Bowl –
an event that I’ve always
witnessed in the company of
deliriously intoxicated men
and their patient female significant
others – become “family
viewing” anyway?
Regardless,
if Colin Powell’s kid
wants to really clean up the
nation’s airwaves, I’ve
got a few suggestions on other
programs that should be eliminated
in the name of decency. Here
goes:
THE
TODAY SHOW: I like
Katie Couric and Matt Lauer
and I’m sure that
when they started they had
some journalistic credibility.
But any show that spends
3 minutes with a foreign
head of state followed by
10 minutes with whomever
was just fired from NBC’s
“The Apprentice”
is a complete whore. Ban
it.
JERRY
SPRINGER/RICKI LAKE/ETC.:
Seriously, what is this
crap? I’d rather my
kids see Janet’s wrinkly
old breast than sit through
five minutes of these white
trash spaz-a-thons. I certainly
don’t need my children
hearing three morons who
can barely speak legible
English arguing about who
impregnated whom. Ditch
‘em.
TELEVISION
NEWSCASTS: Television
reporters stopped being
journalists a long time
ago. It’s time to
rid the networks of these
valueless entertainment
programs masquerading as
news. When a “newscast”
consists of a Valentines
Day story on infidelity
complete with a graphic
on 5 signs to indicate your
spouse is cheating, it’s
all over. Make them illegal.
MORNING
ZOO CREWS: Sure,
Clear Channel got rid of
Stern and Bubba the Love
Sponge, but how about we
stop insulting the intelligence
of the morning commuters
and just get rid of all
morning radio teams. You
don’t have to mention
anatomical parts to be obscene...
some programming is just
obscenely stupid.
REALITY
SHOWS: I cannot
believe these humiliate-athons
pretending to be “reality”
television are still perpetuating
themselves. Do you live
your life with television
cameras following you around?
Exactly – then it’s
not reality. It’s
time to end this horrifically
offensive trend.
POLITICAL
ADVERTISEMENTS:
Look – no one should
really be forming their
political opinions based
on what they saw on TV anyway....
And while product manufacturers
are legally obligated to
tell the truth in their
ads, politicians have a
free pass to make things
up about their opponents
without any regard for whether
it’s truthful or not.
Don’t show my kids
that lying is okay –
ban political ads.
LOCAL
TELEVISION COMMERCIALS:
If your commercial was shot
with your VHS camcorder,
involves you wearing a costume
or has some corny tag line
like “Don’t
forget to ask for 10 percent
Charlie” it should
not be on the air.
I’d
be more that willing to make
additional suggestions if
Powell needs them –
I’m sure he knows where
to find me....
This
Essay © 2004 Lee Totten
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