What
Would Miss Manners Do?
Tell
me if you’ve been here:
your bladder is about to burst
and rather than utilize the
potted plant located in the
corner of the room you opt
for a public restroom instead.
On your way in you happen
to notice a person sitting
in the entrance labyrinth
with a pie plate full of change.
If you’re me, the worrying
starts then. Am I really obligated
to tip this guy? Can’t
I just walk right by? Would
the potted plant really have
been THAT unacceptable? Miss
Manners provides no clear
direction here.
It's
not that I harbor any ill
feelings towards the numerous
Americans who undoubtedly
make their living as “restroom
attendants” - I just
strenuously object to the
notion of being solicited
for change immediately following
a basic bodily function. I
mean, how did this ever become
socially acceptable? And more
importantly, what exactly
is the “service”
that I’m supposed to
tip for?
Seriously
- for the most part my experiences
in the bathroom are solitary
affairs, devoid of any “assistance.”
I’ve been going on my
own since I was three and,
with the exception of a few
evenings when my aim was,
er, wildly inaccurate thanks
to the lingering effects of
Jagermeister, I’ve been
doing just fine.
I
know that some attendants
will stand by the sink and
hand you a paper towel when
you’re done washing
your hands, but I hardly see
that as tip-worthy. It’s
about as useful as someone
standing next to your telephone
and handing you the handset
when it rings – it’s
just not a two-person project.
All I’m saying is that
if the day ever comes that
do I need an attendant in
a bathroom to hand me a paper
towel or assist in other ways,
well, health insurance better
be paying for it.
Maybe
I’m supposed to tip
because the rest room is clean?!
I mean, sure, I appreciate
a bathroom that’s a
step up from a Porta-John
at a chili festival, but aren’t
there health codes that dictate
a minimum standard of cleanliness
whether I tip or not? And
really, are a couple of quarters
from someone on the way out
honestly going to make the
cleaning of a public restroom
that much more fulfilling?
Look
– maybe the simple truth
is that I don’t like
bathroom attendants because
I don’t want to deal
with the guilt. While I do
feel very strongly that there
should never be an exchange
of money after any act involving
me and a urinal, I also believe
that to not tip a bathroom
attendant is to say “Hey,
I know you have to spend your
day cleaning up body fluids
but honestly I don’t
think that’s worth the
spare change I found in my
couch.” It sounds mean,
almost heartless, and it creates
an instant dilemma between
my sense of fairness and my
sense of compassion.
It’s
a dilemma that I have yet
to find a satisfactory solution
for. Well, at least a solution
that’s more socially
acceptable than the potted
plant in the corner....
This
Essay © 2003 Lee Totten
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