The
Anti-Gift Guide
As the Christmas holiday approaches
for those of the Christian
and Consumer faiths, you've
no doubt been inundated with
Holiday Gift Guides. You know,
handy articles in newspapers
or on websites that purport
to suggest what it is you
should buy your friends and
family for Christmas. Coincidentally,
your loved ones' desires always
match the major advertisers
of the publication..
Here
at Ramblings, we're not going
to insult you that way and,
besides, we have no advertisers
to plug. The truth is you
probably have a better idea
what to buy than we do, and
if you don't, well, you're
running out of time. And since
we've done more than our share
of holiday shopping on Christmas
eve, we'd like to present
the first annual Anti-Gift
Guide: things you should avoid
purchasing or giving in the
11th hour rush to meet your
holiday gift-giving obligations.
Trust
us on these.
Chia
Pets: Yes, on television
they seem like non-stop excitement,
but in reality it's about
as much fun as watching grass
grow. Um, okay, it IS watching
grass grow.
Anything
Else At A Mall Kiosk:
Like the black market of modern
suburbia, the mall kiosks
are home to the new snake
oil salesmen and anyone else
without enough revenue to
afford a storefront. Yeah,
I believe that watch is really
a Rolex for $19.99, I'm sure
that $3 perfume smells just
like Obsession for men, and
yeah right that Lee Totten
CD is great...
VCR:
Don't buy VCRs. Get a Tivo,
or a DVD recorder. The act
is that VCRs will be gone
in five years and let's face
facts - it's a horrible, low
quality medium. Don't waste
your money any longer.
Neckties:
I know it seems like a great
fall-back plan for your uncle,
but let's be honest - when
a guy looks excited about
the necktie you just bought
him he's lying.
Chocolate
Chip Cookies Made With Anise:
If you should happen to be
baking late on Christmas eve
and happen to be out of brown
sugar and the grocery stores
all happen to be closed, trust
me when I tell you that despite
the fact that they appear
similar in consistency, anise
powder (tastes like licorice)
is not an acceptable substitute
for brown sugar.
Hug
Certificates: I know it
seems like a really romantic
idea but it comes across like
you had no idea what to really
get. Probably because you
had no idea what to really
get.
Anything
You've Ever Received As A
Gift: Re-gifting is never
a good idea. The inherent
danger in re-gifting is that
you may end up giving the
gift back to the person who
originally gave it to you.
Not only are you saying "I
think your gift stinks"
but you're also saying "I
care so little about you that
I didn't even bother to shop
for you." Besides, if
the gift was actually cool,
you wouldn't be re-gifting
it in the first place.
Happy
holidays!
This
column © 2002 Lee Totten.
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