Scan.
Beep.
I
have yet to decide exactly
how I feel about my SuperMega
grocery store's new automated
check out lanes. On the one
hand, there's something rather
Orwellian about a machine
creating a shopping experience
utterly devoid of any human
interaction. On the other
hand, there's a refreshing
honesty about the coldness
of the machine, as opposed
to a really bored store employee
talking to the clerk at the
next register who provides
the appearance of human interaction
without ever actually interacting.
At least the machine doesn't
pretend to care.
These
automates lanes are marvels
of modern technology - computer
screens, cash slots and conveyor
belts that allow you to scan,
bag, and pay for your groceries
without having to deal with
anybody. And some days this
is nice, like on days when
you would otherwise be stuck
behind an imbecile who divides
twelve items into three piles
so they can pay three separate
times. Or, say, when your
wife happens to forget to
bring the diet Coke in from
the trunk of her car before
she goes to work and now you're
waking up at 9AM with a massive
Jagermeister hangover in dire
need of caffeine and you simply
can't function enough to even
brush your teeth so you're
forced to drag your smelly
self to the grocery store
with your dreadlocks all askew
reeking of an ashtray that
lost a fight with a liquor
store....
Hypothetically
speaking, of course.
But
I have to admit that a part
of me feels like an idiot
for using the automated check
out lanes. I mean, I'm actually
allowing the store to provide
me less service for the same
price. I save them the trouble
of paying a clerk - in fact
I do the clerk's job - but
I give them the same amount
of money. Don't get me wrong
- there is a certain diabolical
genius to a system that gets
the consumer to be willing
to pay to assume the role
of pro bono employee. I'm
just saying that it makes
me feel like a schmuck.
Besides,
a machine is still a machine,
and as such, sometimes has
all the charm and personality
of an automated voice menu
loop. On one occasion I was
tempted to pop the Hal-like
contraption right in the monitor
when it schizophrenically
blithered at me in its soothing
female newscaster voice to
both wait for a store employee
and scan my next item. Only
after much random key punching
did it allow me to continue.
I
have to confess, though, that
I am ultimately drawn to those
automated lanes because, well,
there's something kind of
cool about scanning your own
groceries. I mean, who hasn't
wanted to try one of those
laser thingies at some point?
It's like a giant toy - scan,
beep, scan, beep.
Do
I miss the human interaction
when I use the machine? Of
course. Nothing can replace
the experience of a shared
moment with my fellow compassionate
human beings. But if they
keep letting me play with
the scanner, I think I'll
get over it.
This
column © 2002 Lee Totten.
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