Unanswered
Questions, 2002
The
world certainly hasn't gotten
any less confusing in the
last year, so its time once
again for the questions that
are bothering me so. As always,
I'm hoping that you, gentle
reader, may have the insight
to help me at last resolve
these questions and finally
get a good night's sleep.
Q:
Why does shampoo have instructions
but toilet paper doesn't?
Seriously,
is there really someone out
there so sheltered from the
world that they're not quite
sure how to use shampoo? And
while shampoo has instructions,
things like floss and toilet
paper don't. Is shampooing
some complex bathroom skill
that requires careful explanation?
Q:
If cell phones are too dangerous
to drive with, does that mean
CBs and police radios are
too?
Don't
get me wrong - I think everyone
should own a hands-free kit
for their cell phone. But
some states want to ban cell
phones in cars all together
- hands-free or not. The argument
goes that cell phones are
distracting. So.... what about
CBs? Same basic concept, isn't
it? And when you consider
that many CBs are found inside
big trucks, well, that seems
more unsafe than cell phones.
And how about these police
officers patrolling the highways
constantly distracted by their
two-way radio. Isn't that
unsafe too?
Q:
How come so many places have
a sign on the door that says
"Please Use Other Door?"
It's
everywhere - you arrive at
a building with double-doors
and one side is permanently
locked with a piece of paper
taped to the window saying
'Please Use Other Door'. I
vaguely recall something about
conserving energy by only
allowing one door to open,
but some of these buildings
are really new, which begs
the question "Why have
two doors if you're only going
to use one?"
Q:
How come ATM machines make
you enter dollars and cents
when you withdraw but only
let you take out whole dollars?
'How
much would you like to withdraw',
it prompts me. Then it asks
me to enter an amount in dollars
and cents. I put in $42.12.
It tells me it can only dispense
money in multiples of ten
dollars. So why ask me for
a dollars and cents amount?
Is there some great plan someday
to allow ATMs to dispense
coinage?
Q:
Why is it that my cell phone
can store 100 numbers, and
my big home phone only 10?
I
can search for people by name
in my little cell phone, but
I can only assign a key to
people's number in my desk
phone. And my cell phone holds
100 numbers - the desk phone
just 10. And of course, the
cell phone has games, a clock,
a calendar, message capability,
even an alarm clock. What
gives?
Q:
Why do we get upset about
cigarette company advertising,
but not about everybody in
the world marketing to our
toddlers?
Have
you ever seen the marketing
aimed at toddlers? We prevent
cigarette companies from advertising
to adults in the guise of
protecting us from ourselves,
and yet we smile cheerfully
as major companies openly
attempt to turn our preschoolers
into brand-loyal consumers
before they're even old enough
to have an allowance. They
are literally trying to brainwash
our children. Where is our
outrage?
Q:
Isn't a "Lifetime Limited
Warranty" an oxymoron?
I
mean, is it a lifetime warranty
or not? Geesh.
Q:
Does someone really think
I'm going to buy an X-10 spy
camera?
I
have no interest in the X-10
spy camera, and no amount
of pop over or under ads will
EVER make me want one. Is
this some new theory of marketing
- attempt to annoy the consumer
until they buy your product?
Note to the X-10 spy camera
company: take a Marketing
101 class, nimrods. I have
no NEED for your product,
and, in fact, now I have an
aversion to your company.
Well done.
This
column © 2002 Lee Totten.
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