8:00
SPT
I've
spent the entire day conducting
an informal poll and the results
are unanimous - it's time
to scrap this whole daylight
savings time thing.
Okay,
I only asked one friend --
but he DID agree with me.
It's
not that I'm opposed to it
being lighter later in the
day - that's great. It means
that I have that much more
time to procrastinate about
exercising before finally
realizing it's too dark and
too late to actually do anything
about it. And while this may
not make sense to those of
you with a normal fitness
regimen, for me that's one
more hour that I truly believe
I will go and exercise. And
honestly when it comes to
my fitness regimen, well,
hope is everything.
The
problem, of course, is that
an extra hour of daylight
does me no good if the resulting
time change means I have to
get up so early in the morning
that I can't keep myself awake
past 4PM. Really daylight
and darkness all look the
same when I'm passed out under
a comforter having pleasant
dreams about, of all things,
sleeping in.
And
I don't mean to shatter anyone's
illusions, but of course you
know it's not really an extra
hour of daylight, right? It's
the same hour that was there
before - it's just that we
used to all call it 7 instead
of 8. Sort of like getting
a new inspection sticker on
your car and pretending its
a whole new car.
Truthfully,
I'm not even sure when we're
on daylight savings time and
when we're not. Is it the
part where we spring forward
or fall back? And why does
"spring forward"
sound so positive when in
fact it's the one that deprives
us of sleep? I never "spring
forward" any more than
I "rise and shine".
I mean "fall back"
sounds so much worse, but
I could "fall back"
every week if necessary. Sleep
an extra hour? Okay.
And
who actually decides the whole
time-change issue anyway?
Was it the result of some
3,000 page report produced
at great taxpayer expense
by some obscure government
subcommittee? Is it the product
of some special "daylight
savings" lobby? Can it
be chased back to Enron, or,
better yet, Whitewater? Or
is there some special worldwide
governing body for time that,
much like ICANN, holds its
meetings in secret and refuses
to be accountable to anyone
but themselves?
I
can guarantee that Daylight
Savings Time is not the result
of a decision made by the
American Federation of Musicians.
If it were up to the musician's
union, everyone would have
a four-day work week, a 3
hour work day, 2PM would still
be considered morning and
every restaurant would serve
breakfast 24 hours a day.
Honestly
I'd be happier if we just
picked a time and stuck with
it. I know that eventually
I will adjust to whatever
the time change is, but really,
if we're just gonna keep flopping
back and forth - one hour
ahead, one hour behind - why
not just save ourselves the
trouble and stay constant?
You know - like why make a
bed only to unmake it? There's
just no point.
I
know this means that if we
stay on our current schedule
come winter in New England
it will get dark at 3 o'clock
in the afternoon. But lets
face facts - winter in New
England is ALREADY a generally
depressing affair and whether
it's 3 o'clock or 4 o'clock
doesn't make one iota of difference
in your overall mental well-being.
Either way it's cold, dark,
dreary and miserable.
Besides,
if time is so subjective that
we can keep switching it willy-nilly
and all, then how can anyone
honestly expect me to be anywhere
ON time? Maybe your 2 o'clock
is my 1:15. I mean, sometimes
your 2 o'clock is really the
time formerly known as 1 o'clock.
Whose to say who is right?
As
the astute and occasionally
esteemed author Douglas Adams
once wrote: "Time is
an illusion. Lunchtime doubly
so." I can only wonder
what he would have said about
the delusion that is "Daylight
Savings Time..."
So
let's just all decide amongst
ourselves what time it is
right now and keep our clocks
set there from now on - no
more "losing" an
hour of sleep each year only
to "gain" it back
later. It makes no difference
to me which one we choose
- our current time or the
one we just had - as long
as we keep it this time. We'll
call it "Sleep Preservation
Time."
I
know I'll be happier living
on SPT.
Douglas
Adams, RIP (1951-2001)
This
column © 2002 Lee Totten.
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