Calling
All Cars
Did
I ever tell you how amazingly
talented I am? I mean, I'm
not one to brag, but believe
it or not, I can actually
talk on a cell phone while
driving my car without posing
a risk to my fellow drivers.
Apparently
it's really difficult for
most people, judging by the
piles of legislation around
the country aimed at preventing
people from using their cell
phones in the car. Many states
want to make it illegal, like
dealing drugs to kids or killing
grandmothers, to talk on your
cell phone while driving.
Oddly,
it seems that it's only the
newer cell phones that make
it dangerous to talk and drive.
Cell phones have been around
the better part of 15 years
or more and it's only within
the last year or so that legislators
started wanting to pass bills.
Heck, remember when they were
called CAR phones? Besides,
what's the point of a cell
phone if not to use it while
in the car? I mean, if I'm
not in my car I'm probably
home where I have my home
phone.
But
some government officials
feel that talking on a cell
phone while driving is too
distracting for us. Districting
like having to slow down and
read the gas prices at every
gas station to see if you
can find a gallon for less
than $1.80. And if distractions
are really the problem then
maybe they should consider
banning changing the radio
station while you drive, having
ANY conversation with another
passenger, trying to pick
up your three-year-old's stuffed
sheep from the floor where
she dropped it for the sixth
time, eating fast food while
driving, or fixing your hair
in the rearview mirror while
in motion. I mean, in the
interest of safety and all.
Of
course, CB radios and police
radios would have to be outlawed.
They, after all, offer the
same supposed distractions
that make it dangerous to
use cell phones in your car.
Personally,
I don't think the problem
is actually the cell phones.
I think it's just that now
even the really bad drivers
among us have finally bought
themselves cell phones.
Let's
face facts - we've all seen
drivers so bad that a green
light at the intersection
freaks them out. These are
the same ones who will ignore
three miles of "lane ending
merge right" signs until they
almost run into a cement barricade
that is in the now-ended lane.
Or the Einstein I followed
down the road today who had
his cell phone in one hand
and his coffee balanced in
the other. No doubt if you
give these folks something
new to play with when they
should be focusing on the
road they are going to crash.
And if it's not the cell phone,
it'll be tuning the radio.
Some might call this natural
selection.
Clearly
the issue is when innocent
people get hurt - like model
Nikki Taylor, whose male friend
wrapped his car around a telephone
pole while reaching for his
ringing cell phone. Again,
I think it's not the cell
phone, but rather the driver's
lack of judgment. I mean,
where was the phone - in the
trunk? How long was he looking
for it that he drove off the
road and ran into a telephone
pole?
Maybe
it's time we accept the truth
that not all drivers are created
equal. Maybe driving tests
shouldn't be pass/fail. Have
you ever heard of anyone being
so bad at driving that they
didn't EVENTUALLY get a license?
You have to wear your seatbelt
to prevent injuries, but they'll
let pretty much ANYONE get
behind the wheel of a three-thousand
pound battering ram on wheels.
Let's
start grading our drivers,
and the higher the grade,
the more privileges you get.
Drivers with a D will only
be allowed on small country
roads. C drivers can use the
highway, but only the slow
lane while listening to classical
music. Drivers scoring a B
can use all but the fast lane
and can eat fast food while
driving. Anyone scoring an
A will be allowed to use the
fast lane, listen to rock
and roll, read maps and, of
course, use our cell phones.
Those
of us responsible enough and,
apparently, talented enough
to walk and chew gum shouldn't
be punished because of a bunch
of people who probably couldn't
drive in the first place.
In the meantime, I think I'll
call my legislator and tell
them what I think. I'm pretty
sure I've got the number somewhere
in my car....
This
column © 2001 Lee Totten
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