Reality
(sic)
Is
it over yet? Is this oozing
flow of monkey-see, monkey-do
overly-produced, overly-hyped
alleged "reality" based television
series' ever going to stop?
Quite frankly my HDTV is absolutely
hemorrhaging reality shows
and I fear I'm going to have
to pull the plug to put it
out if its misery soon.
Let's
face facts - by all accounts
even MTV's pioneering "reality"
series 'The Real World' stopped
being real by the second season.
Did you notice that the cast
got a lot more attractive
as soon as everyone began
to realize the long-term career
potential of playing themselves
in some professionally decorated
swanky pad? Besides, where's
the reality in having a random
collection of 8 people where
there's always at least one
African-American, one gay,
one virgin and no one with
an ounce of body fat. Good
luck finding that kind of
diversity in real America.
Why
do they call them "reality-based"
anyway? We're supposed to
believe it's realistic to
think that you're going to
get stranded somewhere in
the outback for a long period
of time where one well-groomed
stranger runs you through
a series of challenges in
front of television cameras,
bizarre Disney-esque rituals
and then gives one of you
a large check? Reality would
be you saying "Hey, Hollywood
boy. Can you and your camera
crew get me the hell out of
here?"
Or
is it realistic to think that
you're going to get locked
in a house with all sorts
of hidden cameras, devoid
of all outside contact? I
can't do that on a Wednesday
afternoon, forget for a week
or a month. Reality is the
cast of 'Big Brother' answering
the phone to be asked for
the seventh time that day
if they want to get home delivery
of the L.A. Times.
And
what about 'Boot Camp'? When
did you get a huge cash prize
for surviving that? Everyone
knows the only reward for
making through basic training
is a third-class ticket to
dirty little foreign cities
where you can visit the bars
and the prostitutes and, occasionally,
legally shoot someone. While
fun, it doesn't really compare
to half a million dollars.
My
personal favorite, of course,
is VH1's 'Bands On The Run.'
Reality my ass. I've toured
a lot of cities and let me
tell you what's wrong with
this picture: NO ONE has vans
that nice, not if they're
real musicians. Where are
the dents, the rust, the urine
stains? And good luck finding
any club that will let you
show up and just play on a
few hours notice if you don't
have a VH1 camera man following
you around. Hotels - are these
guys really staying at Ramadas
and Hiltons? Yeah, okay. Try
six guys to a room trying
to scrape together the $45
for ONE room at the luxurious
Motel 6.
About
the only thing realistic in
'Bands On The Run' is the
bitching among band members
and the propensity of all
of them to skip flyering and
promoting to go out boozing.
Rock and roll, baby.
Why
can't we just accept that
none of these shows is "reality-based?"
Reality is pretty damned boring,
a series of daily struggles
and little ups and downs that
sometimes come once an hour,
sometimes once a week. Half
the time you can't tell whether
something is good or bad.
Every once and a while reality
is punctuated with something
dramatic. Of course there's
no ominous music, no lights,
no exciting camera cuts -
just a phone call or a thump
on your right-rear quarter
panel. Above all else, reality
is NOT particularly entertaining
to anyone other than the person
living it.
To
make my point, I give you
the first-ever "reality-based"
Ramblings paragraph. Enjoy.
It's
3:47 pm and it's raining.
I am sitting in front of my
computer typing. A candle
is burning just because I
like it that way. Outside
I can hear the cars going
by. My daughter is sound asleep
upstairs. There is no one
else home, and I have no music
on. The clock just changed
to 3:48. Even as I'm typing
this, I'm already thinking
about editing it and sending
it out to all of you. I pause
to take a sip of diet Coke,
finishing my 5th can of the
day. 3:49. I hear my daughter
waking up. Time to end this
column and get on with MY
reality - the non-dramatic,
not-edited-for-television
kind.
Personally,
I'd rather be living this
one than watching some TV
producers idea of reality....
This
column © 2001 Lee Totten
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