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Happy
Millenium... Again
Happy
New Year! And, of course,
Happy New Millenium!
I
know, I know... even in the
midst of your hangover from
the big night of partying
some of you are scratching
your heads saying "Millenium?!
I thought that's what we celebrated
LAST year? Didn't we ALREADY
start the new millenium?"
To
which, of course, the answer
is yes we did. But only a
few days ago. Due to reasons
far too complex to go into
here (out of courtesy to those
still hungover), the end of
the year 2000 marked only
the END of the 2000th year,
so really the new millenium
began on January 1, 2001.
And technically even that
is just a guess once you factor
in all of the calendar changes
that have occurred since the
start of the first millenium
which, in all reality, was
just a randomly determined
starting point in the first
place. Even religious scholars
disagree on when the 2000th
anniversary of the birth of
Christ actually is although
they pretty much unanimously
agree that it WASN'T the year
2000 or 2001.
"But
wait," some of you say. "Didn't
I pay, like, $4,000 a couple
to attend last year's gala
Millenium Ball?"
To
which of course the answer
is, again, yes. Bars, restaurants
and resorts, of course, were
quick to jump on the pseudo-millenium
band wagon. People who think
that they are celebrating
the millenium will naturally
be more than willing to spend
a lot of extra money because
it was a once in a millenium
experience. Well, unless of
course you celebrated both
the fake one and the real
one. I mean, how could you
tell your life partner that
you didn't want to take her
out on the town for the millenium
celebration, even if it wasn't
the real one.
"Sooooo....
what exactly did I pay that
much money for if it wasn't
the real millenium?"
No
idea. You see, the year 2000
Millenium was very much a
media event. Somebody somewhere
determined that, truth be
damned, people really preferred
the idea of starting the Millenium
at the beginning of the nice,
even year 2000 rather than
at the particularly awkward
(albeit statistically correct)
year of 2001. It just seemed
more "millenial" to have all
the numbers roll over from
1999 to 2000 - kind of why
no one gets excited going
from 99,997 miles on their
car odometer to 99,998, but
when it rolls to 100,000 two
miles later well, gee whiz,
that's cool.
Television
news organizations were quick
to come up with splashy Millenium
2000 graphics and milk an
entire year worth of entertainment
- um, news - out of the deal.
It saved them the trouble
of actually having to dig
up real news and make a whole
different set of splashy graphics
about something that would
be gone in a week. Besides,
the idea of a 2000 millenium
was wrought with danger and
excitement - remember the
whole big Y2K deal? The new
millenium, airplanes falling
out of the sky, the stock
market crashing, the end of
the world on the 2000th anniversary
of the birth of Christ - this
was BIG stuff.
Except,
of course, that it wasn't
the new millenium, no airplanes
fell, the stock market was
fine (then, anyway) and the
world didn't end. One of the
only significant Y2K issue
may very well be the fact
that this and all recent copies
of Microsoft Word actually
has the incorrect spelling
of 'millenium' in its dictionary.
In the end a lot of people
got drunk, Dick Clark was
in Times Square, and a lot
of people paid a lot of extra
money to celebrate what was,
by all accounts, just another
New Years Eve.
Despite
that it was the real millenium,
this year's New Years Eve
lacked the drama and excitement
of the Millenium 2000. News
organizations, far too exhausted
from following Ryder trucks
up and down the highways of
Florida, basically ignored
it. Bars and restaurants brought
their prices back down to
the only slightly inflated
amounts they charge for "non-event"
New Years Eves. Dick Clark
showed up yet again in Times
Square. The real dawn of the
new millenium, like most events
in our lives, quietly came
and went without much fanfare.
Of
course we'll tell our grandchildren
about the new millenium. We'll
look back and say "Yup, I
was there when it happened.
Out with the old millenium,
in with the new...."
We'll
pause, reflecting, looking
back through the years.
"Um,
I can't quite remember what
I did the night of the millenium.
But let me tell you all about
the party the year before
- now THERE was a night to
remember."
This
column © 2001 Lee Totten
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