Lemmings
Yes,
it's true. I was part of a
cultural phenomenon. Like
millions of other Americans,
I watched the season finale
of the reality-style game
show 'Survivor'. Unlike most
everyone else, however, it
wasn't by choice.
Now
I'd seen this sort of mass
television hysteria before.
My parents regularly watched
the program 'Dallas' when
I was a child, so I caught
the famous "Who Shot J.R."
episode. I had seen enough
'M*A*S*H' episodes in syndication
to make a point of catching
the farewell show. I even
jumped on the bandwagon for
the bizarre final installment
of 'Seinfield'.
I'd
caught a few episodes of 'Survivor'
but they were mostly background
noise to whatever else I was
doing at the time. I would
catch a few minutes here and
there when someone got naked
or ate a rodent, but generally
speaking, the show did nothing
for me. I had heard that the
final episode was coming up
because it seemed like every
news organization had done
a story on it, but I guess
I just never thought it was
that big a deal.
So
when last Wednesday rolled
around, I was thinking less
about a television show and
more about making money. I
was scheduled to play this
sports bar - to go in and
do my best Jimmy Buffett after
seventeen beers impression
that passes as entertainment
among the bar crowd. Now sports
bars in general are, um, interesting,
because generally speaking
the crowd is there to drink
beer and watch their games
and some guy on stage really
can be more of a distraction
than an added entertainment
bonus. Consider this ego booster
tossed out at me during the
final four last year at another
sports bar - "Thank god he's
done - now I can hear the
game!" Add to that the fact
that the owner of this particular
establishment actually went
to see me play another bar
and then called my agent to
complain that he didn't like
the way that I dressed. Yeah
right - as if I'm in this
business because I like people
telling me what to wear.
Suffice
it to say it was with waning
enthusiasm that I showed up
promptly at 8:15 PM for my
8:30 PM show - just to give
myself plenty of time to set
up. The owner met me at the
door.
"Your
name Lee?" he asked. Uh-oh.
Well, at least if he sends
me home now I haven't had
to unload everything first.
"Yeah."
"Don't
hurry setting up" he said.
I looked confused.
"Oh,
we'll pay you," he explained
quickly. "It's just that everyone
is watching 'Survivor'. We're
going to have you start after
that's over."
So
I'm thinking it's already
8:15PM. Survivor must end
by 9:00 and I'll do my thing
for three and a half hours.
"Actually,
'Survivor' is two hours long,
plus there's a one hour post-show
special," the door guy explains
to me as I load in. So I'm
doing the math and realizing
that I'm getting paid a decent
amount of money to set up
and watch 'Survivor', and
then if there's any time left,
I'll actually play for an
hour.
And
so it was that, like millions
of others, I watched the final
episode as it glared at me
from 84 televisions and two
large-screen projections.
I saw the part where they
held on to a pole as long
as they could - whatever that
was all about, I watched the
mean truck driver lady go
off on everybody. I even saw
Bryant Gumbel interview the
entire cast in the post-show
special and I thought to myself
"Didn't Bryant Gumbel used
to be a real journalist?"
Through
it all it occurred to me that
I had seen this show before
many years ago. Maybe there
wasn't a tribal council, there
wasn't a million dollars,
and there was no truck driver
lady, but I'd seen this all
before.... It was so damned
familiar.....
At
the conclusion of the post-'Survivor'
special I opened my one-hour
show with the theme song from
the original Survivor - Gilligan's
Island.
"Well
sit right back and you'll
hear a tale about a fateful
trip....."
This
column © 2000 Lee Totten
|
